I admitted to a friend — a very committed Christian — that I was having second thoughts about atheism, bringing to two the number of friends who know. It’s a lot of pride to swallow, and my atheism had grown to be quite the intellectual chip on my silly shoulder. It’s difficult to knock that chip off yourself and call attention to the fact that you’re doing it.
Part of it is that I’m still not sure where that chip will land (to continue the cliche/metaphor). I can say with some assurance now that I am no longer a strong atheist — one who declares, “I know there is no God!” — but I waver between weak atheism/agnosticism and some kind of Jello-belief: wiggly and strangely pretty, but not really certain.