A month ago, I was overcome with a certain euphoria on Christmas Eve. I felt something I’d literally never felt before. And that led to a certain excitement. Which, honestly speaking, has waned.
Where does that leave me?
With work to do.
I met someone or something. I felt giddy. The newness wore off quickly. And now I have to ask myself whether or not it was infatuation or something more serious.
I’ve felt infatuation before. I’ve often confused it with love. I once proposed to a woman I was infatuated with, only to realize months later that there was no trust in the relationship. We broke a few months after I had that realization. It was something more than the thrill being gone, or even simply tarnished. It was a question of trust. Which is a question of faith.
And now I find myself wondering whether or not there’s trust in what I experienced. Whether there’s faith.
Then along comes Mr. Rodriguez, carrying words of the great twentieth-century apologist, C. S. Lewis:
Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable. But when I was an atheist, I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods where they get off, you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith. (Christ Rodriguez)
The right words at just the right time.
Who would have thought?
Give me some time — I hope to have an answer.